WASHINGTON DC — After more than four years as a fugitive, Julian Assange is now in CIA custody, an Agency press release states. Sources inside the Agency claim that Assange was captured in the early hours of the morning while walking the streets next to the Ecuadorian embassy in London, where he was ambushed by an extraordinary rendition team operating on UK soil.
This stunning capture comes on the same day as Wikileaks Publishes 19,252 emails allegedly from Democratic National Committee Members. The site published the emails, sent between January 2015 and May 2016, in a searchable database on Friday. The emails allegedly come from seven top figures within the DNC.
— WikiLeaks (@wikileaks) July 22, 2016
According to Agency sources, who wish to remain unnamed, Assange was lured out in the middle of the night by a Very Rare Pokemon placed just a few hundred feet from where American intelligence agents knew him to be staying. Earlier this week, communications operations against Assange had revealed him to be an avid player of the social smartphone game Pokemon Go, which encourages players to physically travel to various locations around them in order to retrieve in-game rewards and battle with Pokemons and other players.
The Pokeball containing Assange is now believed to be undergoing secure transport to the Black Pokemon Center in an undisclosed location for entirely legal and pleasant interrogation procedures. Extraordinary precautions will be necessary to ensure that Assange and Chelsea Manning, also being held at the Center, do not battle, as the Agency wishes to prevent any further evolution. The CIA requests that all further inquiries to them regarding this matter be directed to Case Officer Jenny at CIA Headquarters in Langley.
Assange will no doubt be Arkancided just like the hundred or so other people who stood in the way of the Clinton Crime Family’s rise to wealth and power. As soon as Hillary Clinton assumes her seat in the oval office that she was long ago promised by George Soros Assange will cease to exist as Clinton enemies always seem to meet an unfortunate demise.